Holiday Episode 2025 – Community Stories on Family, Language, and Culture | Ep. 29

Watch the video version of this episode now!

Story Order (Audio submissions):

1. Christina J

2. Katie T

3. Jonathan H

4. Geshu S

5. Heather L

6. Candice S

Story Order (Written submissions):

1. Juliana S

2. Christina M

3. Gema B

Full Episode Transcript & Stories:

Michelle (intro):

Welcome everybody to the very first WeCultivate: The Pod holiday episode!

I have been dreaming of… a white Christmas, but also dreaming of doing this episode. The holidays I feel are just a perfect occasion to talk about some of the trickier aspects of what happens when you bring people together and need to wrestle with everyday conversations on language, culture and identity. Now, a couple months ago, I put out a call to the community and asked people to share stories about how they navigate either the holidays or just family situations overall things that have to do with either being a translator of languages, cultures, and more, or just translator in different situations because I think we sometimes forget that barriers don't just exist when new languages or people are present. They are often there all the time. You can be speakers of the same language, but come into a conversation from such different vantage points that I think we sometimes underestimate how often that happens.

And I think that it just gets trickier the more that we layer on what are really, really normal things, like people being from different countries or people speaking different languages. So I mean, the holidays can often be a time where people are just getting to see friends, family, loved ones, whatever, once a year. So it's kind of this checkpoint, at least sometimes I feel this way, where you get to see the evolution of everyone's lives and all the different dynamics that brings. But then at the same time, you also have to reconcile it all. This whole idea actually for this episode happened because last year when I was on Threads and I'm no longer on Threads, so don't find me there, but I saw a question that somebody put out. I think my algorithm fed it to me because it had to do with language, culture and all that, and it was somebody asking for tips on how to manage being the only translator and speaker of multiple languages at an upcoming holiday event.

So this person was saying that they already felt exhausted from needing to be the translator, but then with family being there with the volume of people and conversations, what tips people had for them trying to enter this very chaotic season. So again, very festive but very chaotic as well. I think we all know this, and I immediately just thought back to not too long ago actually trying to deal with me being the only speaker of three languages that people could not speak between each other. So now we're not going to go too much into my personal backstory. I think we're going to make time for that later next year. But I mean, it was rough and it's rough in ways that are not pretty okay. So multilingualism can be really, really beautiful and wonderful, and multiculturalism as well. But it comes with complexity. And something that I really, really learned, and I shared this with the person who had posted the thread, is that energetic boundaries for me have been key in trying to manage these situations.

Partnership with my partner, with my husband, strategic game plans on how to address things. This is reality, and I want this podcast to always represent reality. It can be messy, it can be complex, and yet we all have different things to learn from each other. I don't think there's a perfect way to ever approach probably anything, and especially where language, communication, cultural things are in consideration with each other. I think you have to find what works for your particular situation. So when I put out this call, it was me saying, Hey everyone, I would love to hear how you've managed this. I would love to know what's worked for you, what you've learned over the years, especially those who have been in an intercultural relationship for a very long time. International situations with families. I am no stranger to being in diverse environments, but personally for me, what really shifted is when I was out of my home country and in another and needing to navigate all of that together.
I don't think people realize that when you don't share a common baseline, how difficult it can be, and then add on the fact that you are the only person who speaks every single thing and you're going to have to be pulled in all directions. So I'm not totally sure if Yann will be a part of this because he's at work right now and I'm trying to get this episode out. But if he comes back before I wrap up recording, then maybe you'll hear some thoughts from him. For now, what I want to do is kick us off with our first story. We have audio stories and written stories, and I will read out the written stories. And what I encourage you all to do is just let this episode play. I mean, that's the case for all episodes, but just grab something really, really nice to drink or I don't know, just do the dishes or something.

But just listen to all of the different ways that people have been managing not only the holidays, but intercultural group situations. We have so many stories, everything from how people see things, from the perspective of parenting, all the way to presenting new partners to the family, all the way to being trapped in family situations that don't feel culturally aligned for them, and the journey that that's been like. I am so excited to be able to share this with all of you, and I cannot wait to hear what you all think about this format.

You'll hear from all of the audio submissions that we had first then I'll come back after to read out all of our written stories as well.

So without further ado, here is our very first story.

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Audio Stories:

Christina J:
I'm Christina from Love to Lingo. So I live in Spain. My husband is Spanish. I am from the US but I've been here for about 20 years and I'm still learning to navigate differences in cultures, the differences in families like anyone would in a relationship. And I'm not going to talk about a specific Christmas or anything like that, but more just family gatherings in general. So my in-laws live about two and a half hours away from us. And my sister-in-law, her and her husband and her daughter, very importantly, her daughter live down the road from us. So we live in the same town about two and a half hours away from my mother and father-in-law. And, and there was sort of this moment in our lives where my mother and father-in-law used to come to visit their granddaughter nearly every weekend. And it went from sort of nothing.
We'd see his parents once in a while, maybe, I dunno, once every couple months or so, obviously Christmas, things like that to them kind of coming and staying at my sister-in-law's on nearly every weekend. I mean like three out of four weekends a month. And you might think, well, who cares? They're not staying with you. They're staying with your sister-in-law. There's no need for them to warn you they're coming or do anything like that because it's not really affecting you. And I looking up from the outside, sure. But the difference between our cultures in terms of the fact that in my family culture, people kind of do their own thing. We might get together for lunch and stuff, but that's like we get together for lunch and then people have, you understand that people have responsibilities and to do things, and so you kind of get together later and things like that.
And my husband's family, and I would guess say that in many families in Spain that it is a much more family oriented culture rather than kind of an individualistic culture. This is all encompassing. So they come for the weekend, that means dinner on Friday. That means I'm going to my sister-in-law's house for dinner on Friday, then lunch until dinner on Saturday, and then a long lunch on Sunday. So I'm there, let's say on Saturday. I'm there from about noon to two in the morning. And then on Sunday I'm there from about noon to four and then Friday night as well. And so what happened when they came is I didn't have time to do anything else, was this was like this sort of event that was put onto my calendar that I didn't have any say in. And at the time I was very busy with work and stuff, so I used the weekends to go grocery shopping, clean the house, do all these other things, and I just didn't have time to do them.
So I got really, really resentful about this and about the fact that my husband, according to him, we had to be there. It was really important for us. It was this commitment that we had to be there the whole time. And sure if it's once in a while, no problem. But this started becoming every weekend. After several breakdowns and having fights, they basically told my husband, look, I've set my boundaries and said, look, I'm happy to go for lunch, but after lunch I need to come home. I need to do these other things. You can stay whenever you want and maybe I'll come for meals, but I'm not staying there between the meals basically. And so little by little kind of did that and started, I'd come over for lunch on the Saturday and say, oh, I've got work to do and just blame it on my job.
But really I was doing housework and stuff, which was annoying because my husband wasn't helping me. Normally we would do these things together, but he felt he needed to be there with his family. And so little by little though, that sort of changed as well. And so we would, he'd be like, okay, well I'm going to go and after lunch on Saturday, have a siesta at home rather than keep staying with his family. And then we would sort of do things and sometimes he would go back for dinner and other times he wouldn't. And so eventually it, he was there definitely more time, spent more time the weekend with him than I did. But we sort of came to a little bit of a compromise there. He did talk to his parents. I think I have the benefit, the privilege of being from somewhere else.
So it's much easier for me to outline those boundaries and just say, look, I can't do this. I can't sit. And I don't think they were offended really or anything by that. I think they would probably be more so with my husband than with me. I don't think, it wasn't like this huge loss or something that I couldn't be there. I was very, very offensive or something like that. But yeah, so setting those boundaries, I mean, if I were to give advice or to someone in this situation, I would definitely say having, understanding those differences between this kind of really family oriented culture, maybe a more individualistic culture, which doesn't seem very big. And I think being from an individualistic culture, you romanticize this idea of being a family culture and you spend all this time with your family and it's slow and all this, there's a lot of these commitments and stuff that are wrapped up in that on the surface level, you don't realize, or I didn't realize.
Anyway. So yeah, I would definitely talk about things and ask your partner to speak with your family. So really interesting. The reverse thing happened. So my brother's family came to visit us and my husband felt a little bit offended. The kids after lunch or whatever went and did their own thing, or my brother and his wife went and did stuff without other people and kind of felt offended by that. And then I had to be the person then to talk to my family and say, you guys can do whatever you want, but can we stay here for after lunch tomorrow all together and kind of hang out and do stuff and spend time, the swimming pool or whatever, basically to come to a little bit of a compromise there. But yeah, so definitely talk to your partner. Hopefully your partner has a good enough relationship with his family or her family to talk about those things, talk about those individual differences or those cultural differences that are really kind of deep and hard to kind of explain. So that'd be my advice. Good luck.

Katie T:
This is Katie from Pine Blossom Books. Hi Michelle. So your question, how do we as a couple or family navigate the group dynamics when there's a language barrier? I think it's a very interesting question, and as I was reflecting on it, I realized how much we first as a couple and now as a family of three evolved in our approach to this. So it was a nice personal reflection I find. So the first phase A, my partner and I, when we were just a new couple or before our daughter was born, I would say that phase was the easiest for us. Maybe that's not the case for everyone. I think both A and I are lucky that we're both quite chill and we are used to living in different countries, and I think in general we're both very relaxed people. We're not very bothered when we don't understand anything around us.
We're quite intuitive and maybe we just go with the flow or figure things out using body languages or a mix of the languages that we know. So I think that perspective helps a little bit. We're not too demanding on needing other people to translate for us and not putting a lot of emotional burden on ourselves as well. And I think we're also very lucky that we have very supportive family members. So at the very beginning of our relationship when we would visit each other's family or simply meet for the first time, we're just very lucky to have very nice people around us. So I don't know if there's lots of tips that I can offer, but I would say just to definitely do a prep talk if one or the other person feels anxious about not being in the loop. Definitely it was not all the situations were a hundred percent smooth for A and I either, there were little bumps, but I really could not recall moments with great difficulties when I felt like language was the element that made it hard.
So yeah, again, I think simply being open with the other person and think ahead of time, because being the person from that culture, you could expect what cultural differences would be too big or too surprising or too difficult for your partner. Right. I'm assuming we're talking about international couple or a couple, were from different backgrounds, from very different backgrounds. And maybe talk just how much translation do you expect, try to look out for the other person. So yeah, that's the first part. Yeah, like I said, I think a lot of the communication doesn't really necessarily happen through words. It's through body languages, facial expressions, attitude. Prep the other person at least later do a little mini lesson if you need on the important cultural etiquette before they go immerse in that culture or meet the family members or something. So that's the first phase. And then when I think about your question in the context of now being in a family of three, I think that is very interesting because I'm going through these moments now.
It really acts complexity because now in this little triangle dynamics, there are other agendas involved. I'm also thinking about how I would apply a language in terms of transmitting a language, teaching her a second or third language, passing on heritage, passing on a culture that's so intimate to the actual language, and also being mindful of the emotions of everyone in the house, not to neglect or leave anyone out as we cultivate each of the different relationships in this triangle, because she will have a unique relationship with her dad, she with me, and then me with A, and then all three together. It's super complicated. And I would say I didn't realize that when my daughter was just a small baby, we had always just applied the strategy of one parent, one language. So I didn't really care. And my partner didn't care so much either when he didn't understand what my daughter and I were saying to each other, well, she wasn't speaking.
So what was going on between us. Occasionally I would translate when it's really necessary. So let's say I'm passing on my daughter to A for him to take over when, but overall I do very little translations. But what's really complicated is now when she's in her toddler stage, she has a lot more linguistic skills and she is much more aware of what's going on around her. This is really interesting. So as I say, in our family, we just do one parent, one language and English. It's a rather informal language. We don't really have official policy of how we use it In general, I don't speak English to my daughter very much. English is just a common language between me and my partner. And so now with my daughter being in her stage now I sense that she feels a bit left out. That's my assumption. Yeah, that's how I feel.
She would constantly draw attention from me when I'm speaking to my partner in English. So I suppose she feels left out because she doesn't have very strong English skills as compared to Cantonese and French. So that's one observation. And the other is she's also in the phase where she has a preferred parent who is me. And so sometimes I feel that my partner is left out. And so these days we try to speak more English when we're all three together. So English is becoming our official common language. So then I don't want to leave anyone out. What other situations might come up is when we travel, we've only done rather regional travel. So in Italy and Spain, I do prep her a bit. If we're in a foreign country. So I'll say lately, for recently we took a trip to Spain. I'll say, oh, here we say ola instead of bonjour or hello.
Then I'll just say Hola, Hola. But it's not like I'm trying to teach her Spanish. I mean, I know a little bit my partner A, he speaks fluent Spanish, but I just kind of prep her like here you won't understand anything. That's how it is. This is a country called Spain and they speak Spanish. And I'll point it out to her when, ah, look, ba ba or dad is using Spanish to talk to that shopkeeper. He's saying this, he's trying to figure out this. And I'll be very honest with her because she keeps on asking me questions all the time. And I'll say to her, oh, I don't really know. I don't understand Spanish. I only understand this much. Or yeah, just be super open. It's like, oh look, I think it says this in Spanish, just like that. And I'll translate if strangers say Spanish to her, which they often did.
And I think overall I just wanted to create a vibe where she realizes that being multilingual, it's a very normal thing. And I think we're lucky to be in Europe because we just drove a few hours and we were in a different country where everyone spoke a different language and being multilingual is welcomed. And I didn't really force anything. And just randomly when she was doing pretend play, she said, adios. She said ola to herself. So I think that's pretty amazing. I also thought about when my parents came to visit, how was the dynamics then? And I think while dealing with my daughter has his own stress, but I think it's a very different type of stress when I was trying to make my parents feel comfortable when they were here. Again, they're in general very easygoing people. But still with my parents, I wanted to make sure they enjoy their stay and they bond to a decent degree with A's family. There were moments when I felt quite tired because I had to translate almost all the time. I had to do much more translating because they’re adult, is way more different compared to dealing with my daughter. With two adults, my mom and my stepdad, they had their individual brains. They each would ask very different questions all throughout the day. And I just had to translate so much more. And I think if I had any tips to provide, I would say for the person who takes on this task of translating, kind of tune in a bit with yourself as well to make sure you don't tire out. And in order to do that, I would say check in. Just check in frequently with your family members. Say if they're your elderly parents who need translation all the time. Because at one point I was also taking her to a doctor's appointment here in France.
It's a very subjective experience and it changes from one moment to another depending on how tired you are as the translator and depending on how tired or how happy your parent is. Some moments I sense that she was very anxious or maybe she was a bit grumpy because she felt left out when we were at a very French gathering with more French family members from A’s side. But then there were also some moments when she got along very well with my mother-in-law and they obviously didn't understand each other, but they got on fine without me. So it's a constant changing state, if that makes sense. So communication, I think this all just goes back to what your podcast is about. This is definitely not an advertisement, but I think that's the whole point, right? Just to frequent communication and frequent clear communication with everyone in the dynamics, everyone in the party involved to check on each other person's needs.

Jonathan H:
My name is Jonathan from Huggins International. A few years ago around Christmas, my dad was visiting Mexico City from the United States, and my father-in-law, who is French, had his parents in town. So they were visiting from France. And because I was in Mexico City, my ex's family, local family spoke Spanish. She was French Mexican, so the family was speaking French and Spanish. My dad mostly spoke English. He could understand a little Spanish, and I was doing all of the translating when we were sitting down for meals or when we would go to the restaurants and have to talk with the waiters or translate the menus and explain what the ingredients were. And on one occasion when we were at home, my dad and the French grandfather and one of the Mexican uncles decided to start speaking to each other. So my dad said something in English, and I immediately translated from English to Spanish and French so the uncle could understand and the grandfather could understand the Mexican uncle. He said something. Then I translated that from Spanish to English and Spanish to French. The grandfather had a comment as well. I translated his comment from French to English and French to Spanish. And this kept going on for at least, I dunno, like 10, 15 minutes.
It wasn't quite so tiring as I thought it would be. But the few days later, my dad was mentioning, I had this really interesting conversation with the French grandfather and the Mexican uncle. I don't remember, were you there? And I just gave him such a deadpan look of, are you serious? That conversation would have never taken place if I wasn't there going back and forth between English and Spanish and French. So sometimes it can be very mentally draining to be translating back and forth. And it's even possible that family members don't realize what that kind of mental exhaustion is. They can take you for the Google translate, the Alexa, the Siri, ChatGPT, for the gathering. But I am pretty sure that official interpreters who work at the UN or who work in tandem, so in pairs to people swapping a half hour, half hour, they are not meant to be working pro bono endlessly for hours and hours and hours.
So if you do get exhausted, translating for family members, realize that professionals take breaks and need a moment to kind of just decompress and not have the constant stimulation and the overload of having to translate ideas back and forth. And some concepts are not so easy to translate, and people expect us to be walking dictionaries or thesaurus, and it's not easy to be doing that on an ongoing basis. We have our own needs. We want to participate in conversations, or we want to be silent at times. So it's important to establish some boundaries and have some personal time as well so that you can enjoy the holidays, enjoy the moment being together, but not just be the group interpreter for a whole week, a whole weekend or two weeks, and then completely burn out. So make sure that you have some support and you have some breaks and are not meant to be on call nonstop. So I hope that helps anybody who is in a position that they'll be translating between at least two or three languages over the holidays.

Geshu S:
Hi, my name is Geshu Sugandh, creator of Brooklyn Biharn, a bilingual storytelling studio in English and Hindi. Most of us who grew up in Indian families heard that food is our love language, and it looks like another laddu stuffed in your mouth or another serving of roti or rice piled high onto your plate with the chorus of “bas ek aur” or “just one more!” And we are told it's rude to refuse. We are taught to adjust to accommodate, and so many of us grew up complying. We ate the extra roti, we had the extra laddu. We nodded politely, we smiled even when we were full. Why? Because honestly, it felt easier to say yes than to say no again and again, easier to keep the peace and frankly to stop the nagging. But here's what I have always wondered. Without space for consent, for choice, for care, can we really call it a love language?
My husband grew up differently. He was taught to listen to his body. So when he is full, it's very natural for him to say “No more. Thank you”. For him that’s self respect. For him that's how he shows cares for himself. However, in my family, at any gathering or even with meetings with wider Indian community and our peers, his no for food is often met with another helping or another nudge or another question. So what's intended as love lands for him as dismissal, and oftentimes just for standing his ground, he is painted as the villain, as the bad guy.
I can see it's often obviously very frustrating for him, and that feeling is actually very familiar to me too. As a child growing up, I was called “jiddee”, which is a Hindi word for stubborn, for refusing to please the elders around me for saying no when my heart said no. In so many ways we grew up equating love with compliance, with people pleasing with being silent. And then we spend most of our adult lives trying to unlearn those patterns, and it's not just about food. We see the same dynamics repeat itself in our festivals. Take Holi, the festival of colors, for example. It's a vibrant, joyful celebration of beauty in every shade. But then there is that phrase, “bura na mano, Holi hai”... “Don't be offended, It's Holi!” What it means is whether you want it or not, you are going to be colored and your choice is irrelevant. So once again, we see that in the name of love or of culture of tradition, we end up normalizing compliance, coercion, and control. We override boundaries. We dismiss consent, and we tell ourselves that it's care.
And that's exactly why I am writing my new children's picture book, Happy Hippotastic Holi: How to Play with Consent. It'll be published under my imprint, Brooklyn Biharn in February, 2026, just before Holi. In this story, a group of hippos come together to celebrate Holi with all the joy and color we know it for, but they do something different. They break away from their old patterns, they pause, they ask first, they listen. They make space for yes, for no, for maybe, and all the ways someone might choose to celebrate because whatever our love language may be, whether it's food at the dinner table or colors during Holi, I think we can agree that love isn't about expectation. It isn't about control. Love is about invitation. And when we make space for consent, for choice, for care, our love, our culture, our traditions, they actually shine even more. They become a shared joy for all of us. One tip I would give is that to shift the language from assumption to choice. Instead of “here have one more laddu” or “have some color for Holi,” we can try saying, “would you like to have another laddu” or “would you like to have some color?” It's such a small tweak, but I think it changes the whole dynamic. And it's also important to remember that a no is not a personal attack on the person asking, but it's a personal safeguard for the person being asked.

Heather L:
Hi, my name is Heather, and I'm sharing some tips from when my fiance Spencer first met my Cantonese speaking family. When I introduced Spencer to my family, I made sure to prep him beforehand on what to expect. I feel like having expectations is extremely important, what they will expect from him and what he should expect from them. One of the expectations is to make sure that when we're eating that he will take some food and give it to me and put it on my plate. It's like the way of saying, oh, I care about her. So this way our parents would feel comforted knowing that, oh, her significant other cares for her. I know my cousin also did the same thing and coached her husband to do that in the beginning too, and now they just know to do it. It's almost automatic. Other things are like, who's who's safe?
Who is it okay for you to hang out with, who you can speak English to? And then who will only really know some English phrases, and you'll have to just be around when they're speaking Cantonese. Another thing is I would make sure that he felt included in the conversations that he didn't quite understand. For example, if we were having conversation in Cantonese, I might take a break, stop and explain to Spencer what we're talking about and what's going on. So at least he can feel somewhat included. And we generally do that for all of our other cousin, significant others who don't speak English. We might all take a break and just go over what was discussed, and even some of my cousins will help with that too. So it's not just my responsibility. All of us are really good at trying to help everyone feel included. Spencer also started learning some Cantonese, so this way he was able to understand at least certain phrases, and maybe because of those phrases that he understood, he also knew what types of conversations we were having. If it's me talking, Spencer already knows all of my stories. I guess I say the same stories over and over again. So once he catches onto what I'm saying, he's like, oh, Heather is talking about that. So he doesn't really have to try to understand. He already knows what I'm talking about.

Candice S:
I'm Candice and I work with moms who are juggling everything, the career, the kids, the mental load. I help them actually enjoy motherhood without feeling like they have to choose between being a great mom and being themselves, my partner, and now we come from very different backgrounds, different countries, different culture. He grew up in Spain in a very small family, just him, a couple of uncles, aunts, and that's it. No cousins. And his experience of holidays was really pretty much with them. No big thing. Just doing the traditional lunches and that's it. I grew up in Mauritius, other side of the world with a huge family, lots of cousins, and so holidays and vacations for us was really big. We had people coming over in Mauritius, and so there was always big parties, big lunches, big dinners, and everybody coming together. He even experienced holidays in the winter, and I experienced them on the beach in the summer.
So our experiences couldn't be more different. So when we got together, when it was just the two of us, it was easy to find a compromise, just find the middle ground between what his experience was and mine, because it was just the two of us. So we would do Christmas with his family or holidays with his family, and that's about it. And go back to Mauritius sometimes for him to also experience what it was, but it wasn't bigger than that. But then when the kids came along, then we really had to have this conversation and decide what we wanted the holidays to look like for them. I am happy to say that it wasn't that big of a discussion, wasn't that there weren't any conflicts in it, but it did mean that we had to compromise of what we wanted Christmas to look like. He knows how important Christmas is to me.
This is like my holiday of the year, so I do get to decorate the house and have lights everywhere and Christmas decorations, but I have also had to learn to slow down on the gifts. If you create that for the kids, for example, it'll be five gifts, a maximum of five gifts, a book, a piece of clothing, something that they really want or something like that. So we had to compromise on how big we make Christmas for them, but we also had to find and define what the holidays would actually mean for us as a family, what traditions we would kind of build with them, and what holidays, memories we want to create for them with Christmas memories. And this is where we've had to find our own version, our own voice as a family. And I think we're still defining that, but we get to live the Christmas period, the Christmas holidays, the magic of holidays together as a family now and in our own way.
So I think that's the wonderful part of what's happening in our family. So another thing that we also had to work out is how we celebrate Christmas with our respective families, because when we are here in Spain, then we do something with his family, one lunch or something like that. But then when we go back to Mauritius, also for the Christmas holidays, which we try to do a year here and a year there, then the kids also get to experience a completely different way of celebrating in the summer on the beach with lots of families. So they get to experience both, and I think that's really beautiful. And then we come back together, the four of us, and we get to do something our own. Yeah, I think that's the beauty of coming from two very different places, meeting in the middle and defining what we want as a family on our own, finding our own voices, our own traditions, our own adventures as a family of four, and not let everything else, all the noise around us define too much of how we live Christmas together, and our kids just love it. So I'm happy that I also get to share that moment with them, and they get excited about it, and he gets on board too. So yeah, I mean, we're still in the middle of defining what we wanted to be. Exactly for us. We still haven't found the tradition that we repeat year over year, but I think we're getting there. But above all, we get to spend this time together, the four of us, and I think that's the most wonderful part of it.

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Written Stories:

Juliana S:
Hi, I’m Juliana from The Bilingual Mom Life.

So in my family, holidays are definitely a mix. I’m Colombian, and Christmas has always been a big deal for me...Lots of family, food, and traditions. My husband John is Cambodian and he didn’t really grow up celebrating Christmas, so at first it felt a little weird, like something really important to me wasn’t part of his world.

Now that we have two kids, especially with our oldest being four and really starting to notice what Christmas is, we’re finding our balance. For me it’s about keeping Colombian traditions alive, and for John it’s about joining in in ways that feel meaningful for him.

Usually before gatherings we talk through what to expect, and during them I sometimes “translate” little things, like explaining why Colombians are so intense with questions or what certain traditions mean. Afterwards, we check in about what worked and what didn’t. Over time we’ve even created our own new traditions, like doing a quieter family morning before the big Colombian-style celebration.

If I had to give a tip, it’s just: talk about it ahead of time. Don’t assume your partner just knows. Even a little prep and a few inside signals across the room can make the whole holiday feel a lot smoother.

Christina M:
Hi, my name is Christina. I’m a parent coach, entrepreneur, founder, devoted mother and connection builder.

I am German, my husband and father of our 4 boys is South African. We live in South Africa and our home languages are German, isiZulu and English.

One of the cultural differences which turned out to be a real biggie and created lots of room for growth was when I met my in-laws and was introduced to many women as “mother”. Growing up it was very clear that I have one mother and one mother only and there was no way anyone else would claim that place. Whereas here in my African family, it comes across as offensive if you don’t relate to your elder female relatives as “mother”. This took me a long time to adjust to. 
Especially during the holidays when you get together with family you might have not seen in a long time or maybe meet for the first time, which still happens after over a decade of being married and living in South Africa, you might be introduced to yet another relative as my husband’s “mother”.

By now, I have pretty much adjusted to it and it gives us the giggles when we think of how this was a huge challenge in the early days of our union. Now that I am a mother myself, I pride myself with the fact that there are many more children or young people beyond our four boys who refer to me as Mama.

Gema B:
New Year's Eve in Cuban culture is completely different from what my husband Kev expected. In his culture, Christmas was the big family gathering, and New Year's Eve meant going out with friends to bars or parties. But for us Cubans, New Year's Eve IS the family event. Picture this: dozens of family members packed into a tiny Cuban apartment, salsa music blasting, the smell of lechón and black beans filling every corner, dominoes clicking on makeshift tables, and everyone - from toddlers to grandparents - dancing, singing, and celebrating until sunrise. Kev was expecting maybe a quieter evening or a friends' night out, but instead he walked into this beautiful family chaos that he had never experienced before. The energy is infectious, the music never stops, and conversations happen in rapid-fire Spanish with hands flying everywhere. For someone who didn't speak a word of Spanish, walking into this beautiful chaos could have been overwhelming.

How We Manage These Situations
Our Game Plan:
Pre-gathering prep talks: I learned to paint the picture beforehand. I'd describe not just what would happen, but HOW it would feel - the volume, the closeness, the way Cuban families show affection through touch and loud conversation
Cultural translation: I became Kev's cultural interpreter, explaining that when my tía speaks loudly, she's not angry - that's just how we talk with passion!
Basic phrase preparation: We'd practice key phrases like "¡Feliz Año Nuevo!" and "¿Cómo estás?" so he could participate, even minimally
Family approach: I told my family to just be themselves - because my family is awesome! I knew that if Kev could feel their warmth and love even with the language barriers, that would make me the happiest
During the gathering: I was just aware of everything, but Kev was amazing - taking everything in
Post-gathering decompression: We'd talk about the funny moments, the cultural differences he noticed, and what surprised him most
Kev often shared what he loved about the warmth and inclusiveness, even when he couldn't understand the words.

How our strategies evolved: Over time, Kev started picking up more Spanish and understanding the rhythm of our celebrations. My family learned to include him more through gestures, music, and food - the universal languages of love. Now, years later, he jumps into domino games and even sings along to the traditional songs!

Tips for Those New to These Situations

For the "outsider" partner:
Remember that confusion is temporary, but the love is real - focus on the warmth and intention behind unfamiliar customs
Don't be afraid to laugh at language mix-ups; they often become the best family stories
Ask questions! Families usually love sharing the meaning behind their traditions

For the "cultural bridge" partner:
Paint the full picture beforehand - don't just say "it'll be fun," explain what "fun" looks like in your culture
Prepare your family too - help them understand different communication styles and comfort levels
Be patient with both sides; cultural adaptation takes time

For everyone:
When there's love, there's understanding. Approach new cultural experiences with curiosity rather than judgment
Language barriers create some of the funniest family memories (like my "I don't care" vs. "I don't mind" confusion that had Kev so frustrated until we realized Spanish only has one phrase for both!)
Remember that cultural openness is a two-way street - both families learn and grow from these experiences

The bottom line: What makes these moments magical isn't perfect communication - it's the willingness to be open, vulnerable, and accepting of each other's worlds. Kev and I have learned that when you approach differences with love and curiosity, the "new" becomes exciting rather than scary. Every awkward moment, every language barrier, every cultural misunderstanding becomes part of your unique family story.
Our cross-cultural celebrations have given us something beautiful: children who see the world through multiple lenses, a family that celebrates diversity as strength, and memories filled with laughter, music, and the kind of love that transcends language.




<3

❄️❄️❄️

Yann's Bonus Segment (Translated into English by Michelle & Yann)

French version available below / Version française disponible ci-dessous

Hi everyone! This is Yann, the unpaid intern, and today I’m going to speak French!


Yes. A segment in French, entirely in French, and only in French.
I wanted to share a little anecdote that really illustrates today’s topic. I could tell you plenty of them, but there’s one in particular that has stuck with me personally. It happened about a year ago, during Thanksgiving in the United States, in Delaware. We were invited by Michelle’s family to gather together. There were a few of her uncles, aunts, cousins… everyone had prepared a whole bunch of amazing dishes… Chinese food, sure, but also turkey, pies, potatoes… Basically, a whole spread of absolutely fabulous food.
And then… came the moment when we all sat down to eat. (Supposedly)

In my mind, we were going to be there for hours. I suppose, in my little French brain, when there’s that much delicious looking food on the table, when there are lots of people, when family are gathered together, when it’s Thanksgiving… I naturally associate this kind of moment with Christmas back home.
So we all get to the table… well what happened was… there wasn’t really a singular moment when everyone was sitting down together. And the “meal” ended very, very, very quickly.
That really threw me off.
First, because I had no reference points. Auditory ones, I guess, since about three-quarters of the conversations were happening in Mandarin. So I didn’t know when we were starting, when we were moving from one dish to another, and so on. And then, based on what I’m used to, I had unconsciously assumed we would all stay together at the same table, eating, and sharing that moment together as a group.
I’ll admit… I was definitely lost. I didn’t know what was cultural… meaning… Chinese culture… U.S. culture… Much of Michelle’s family has been living in the States for more than half a century now… and what was simply “family culture,” so certain family habits.
This is a question I asked myself, and later asked Michelle, who helped me fill in the gaps. And it really made me reflect on how to approach moments like this. Not only was I completely disoriented from having no reference points at all… I was even wondering whether what I was doing was polite… Asking myself, okay, should I also get up and leave the table too? Is that the right thing to do here?
It was honestly a somewhat isolating experience. Luckily, one of her aunts stayed with me, sipping a glass of wine and continuing to eat—someone who was maybe more used to a “family dining” format similar to my own.
This is really what I want to share with you, because for me it was very clear: without any points of reference to anchor me, neither linguistic nor cultural, the situation was actually pretty hard to navigate.
And it’s something that hadn’t happened to me before. I had already been in the U.S. for a few months. I had shared many meals with Michelle’s friends and also met her family little by little. But in that precise moment, and even afterwards, I kept wondering which pieces of what I was witnessing belonged “where” – to family culture, Chinese culture, or U.S. culture?
I had never been that unsettled before. In gatherings with other people, even in different environments, I had always more or less managed to find my footing. But here, I think the fact that I unintentionally associated this moment with something very French, i.e. a big meal, family, all of that… meant that I hadn’t even considered it could go down any differently.
Hence the importance of doing an introductory brief because that didn’t really happen here. No fault of our own because for days Michelle had been very busy cooking, talking with her family, and so on. Honestly, we just didn’t have time to prep as usual. So afterwards, when we finally got a chance to talk about it, I got to ask her questions like, 
“Is it normal that no one was really sitting down… or at least not for more than four minutes?” “Did I do something wrong?”
And actually, no. I didn’t do anything wrong, per se. It was just about needing to understand how differently things can go sometimes. And given the context, yes, everything I saw was in fact, a version of normal.
So yeah. I just wanted to share this little moment with you all. It isn’t a big deal in itself, but it’s a reminder that we often associate things with certain meanings based on our culture, our language, our upbringing, etc.
Even choosing topics of conversation can be tricky sometimes: what can I talk about? What shouldn’t I talk about? What’s considered interesting? What isn’t, depending on the context?
In any case, I’m really happy to be able to talk about this moment with you all. I imagine it’s maybe happened to some of you too, and if so, we’d really love to hear your stories.
I wish you all a very happy holiday season. We’ll see you again in 2026!

Michelle (closing):

All right, so if you didn't notice, that was in French and that was not in English. And I asked Yann to speak on his experiences in French because the podcast is hopefully going to move into more episodes in different languages, and I think it's a wonderful direction. Until then, if you don't speak French or understand French, we will be posting a translation on the episode page for this. But thank you again to everyone who submitted their stories, who have shared their time with us this whole year. We are just so, so grateful. I am so grateful I already said this, but we will see you in the next year, and bye for now.

Do you want to say bye with me?

Michelle and Yann:
Bye!

Michelle:
Trying to get Shadowbeam in for a goodbye. But she's so dramatic right now. She hates us. Look at this. Okay. It's over. It's over. Oh my God.